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A selection from:
Men,Women, and Prostate Cancer
Pages 21-24 (skipping inserts)
While theories vary about precisely how and why men and women have communication problems, one point is indisputable:
Men and women do experience life — and express that
experience-in a different manner. Thus, men and their female
partners going through any kind of crisis, particularly one as
serious and potentially devastating as the man's prostate cancer,
must take special care to understand, respect, and cope with this
difference. With lots of hard work and a little luck, this special
care may ultimately render the relationship even stronger than it
was before the crisis struck.
Because the ultimate physical consequences of prostate cancer
can be so difficult to predict or control, and because the possible emotional effects of the illness can be so devastating, it's
important to place at least as much value on healing the person as curing the disease.
The process of curing prostate cancer involves ridding the
body of every trace of that cancer, so that it ceases to pose a
threat. It's strictly a physical procedure. It doesn't take into
account the patient's emotional life, his psychological integrity,
his interpersonal relationships, and/or the quality of his day-to-day existence. Whether or not there's been a cure (something that
can be very difficult to effect or determine in any case of cancer),
the odds are high that these other factors in the patient's life will
also be disturbed by the illness, and in need of their own more
comprehensive and creative care.
[Text jumps and continues on page 24.]
That's where healing comes in. In the context of prostate cancer, healing involves helping the patient come to good terms with
all aspects of his life: the physical condition of his prostate gland
and the rest of his body, as well as his emotions, his psychological
state, his interpersonal relationships, and the quality of his day-to-day existence. His cancer may not be curable, but, with proper
treatment, he can go on to heal and lead an enjoyable, productive
life-maybe even one that never does become physically compromised by the cancer. If, however, he does suffer physical setbacks
as a result of the cancer, he can still experience healing by learning to accept his illness for what it is, and to cultivate personal
well-being however and wherever he can. Only by doing so can
he — or any cancer patient — start feeling ''at one'' with his life after
it's been so seriously threatened.
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