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A selection from:
Men,Women, and Prostate Cancer
Page 19
Then there's the issue of retirement. Many men who are
diagnosed with prostate cancer are in the process of ending a life-
time of productive work: either they're planning to retire in the
near future, or they've just recently retired and are still adjusting
to their new, ''nonproductive'' status. Both situations leave a man
vulnerable to occasional feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, and
despair about the future. These feelings, too, can become much
more frequent and powerful if the man also has to worry about
the fact that he has prostate cancer.
From a couple's perspective, the stress associated with living through the prostate cancer experience can put an enormous burden on their relationship.
Couples and, indeed, whole families can suffer in all sorts of
unexpected ways from an individual's serious illness. Jane E.
Brody, reporter on medical subjects for The New York Times,
describes how far reaching the effects can be:
When someone in the family develops a chronic, disabling, incurable, or life-threatening disorder, everyone
in the family is likely to get ''sick'' as well. Aspirations
and plans of the spouse and children, as well as the
affected person, must often be readjusted, and roles
within the family structure must be redefined. Communication patterns change, and not always for the better,
and the resulting emotional, physical, financial stresses
can strain even the most stable relationships.
In terms of an intimate relationship, the man's prostate cancer can have an especially devastating impact, presenting a constant, insidious threat to the couple's ability to make love, enjoy
physical closeness, and rely on the life-supporting roles that
they've established for themselves.
Men and women live together in a very delicate ecology of
cooperation and opposition. When a crisis hits, their coping skills
are overloaded and their usual mechanisms of relating to each
other break down. Never is good communication more essential
between them, and never is it more difficult to maintain. Difficulties in transmitting and receiving information that may have been
unrecognized or overlooked in easier times now loom large and
menacing.
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