phoenix 5 - to help men and their companions overcome issues created by prostate cancer
main menu   -   prostate   -   stories   -   articles   -   sexuality   -   resources   -   glossary   -   search

Sample Excerpt:

The Lovin' Ain't Over
Chapter 4 Regaining Intimacy
Page 38

Sometimes preferences and sensitivities change over time. It's important to keep asking each other what "feels best."

Most aids and medications that produce or enlarge erections will only work when the man is aroused or stimulated. As the manufacturer of Viagra says, Viagra does not create desire — it only helps with the performance. The essence of relearning loving is regaining passion and rediscovering secrets to arousal.

As the expression goes, "when you're hot, you're hot, and when you're not, you're not." When you're not, many medications will not work at all, and others will not work as well. So before you resort to medication you may not need, you should learn how to get stimulated and passionate. That's what this chapter is all about.

Let's assume you have a situation where the frequency of having sex has declined over a number of years for many reasons. In addition, you have refrained from sex since your therapy because of failure to perform. This leads to disappointment, embarrassment, and frustration. These concerns, coupled with a low frequency of having sex before therapy, make it doubly difficult to recover the capability and the pleasure.

Your partner, anxious not to upset you, retreats. She feels it is better not to push, hoping that in time, you will begin to address the problem. Unfortunately, this is a self-defeating approach. The longer you don't make love, the easier it is to continue not loving and the more difficult it is to resume loving.

The first action is to reset yourself mentally. This begins with exploring what each of you enjoys when you make love.

One way to get started is to share what each one enjoyed in the past. This could reawaken the pathway for getting excited. Then it's a really good idea to have a "touch session" where you explore each other's bodies and tell each other where the most sensitive points are.

main menu   -   prostate   -   stories   -   articles   -   sexuality   -   resources   -   glossary   -   search

Unless otherwise stated and credited, the content of Phoenix5 (P5) is by and the opinion of and copyright © 2000 Robert Vaughn Young. All Rights Reserved. P5 is at <>. P5's policy regarding privacy and right to reprint are at <>.