The Lovin' Ain't Over
Chapter 4 Regaining Intimacy
Many men find that after prostate cancer treatment,
sensitivity may be heightened in new areas. Your partner
will never know unless you tell her. If you don't know,
take the time to touch each other and explore. You must
begin slowly, perhaps only kissing and touching the first
few times. During this time, you should tell each other
what you like.
Don't focus on the erection. Instead, focus on loving
and deriving pleasure from it. When erections were easy,
we tended to focus solely on them. In reality, most of us
missed out on other means of deriving pleasure, which
could have made loving much more pleasurable even
A screenwriter in his mid-50s, quoted in an article in
New Choices, expressed it very well: "Passion ಋ sexual passion ಋ is about emotion. Really knowing how to make love
to a woman allows you to stop thinking and become
more deeply passionate. . . . it's all about feeling and letting yourself go."
At the same time, since loving is a two-person activity,
you also have part of the assignment for getting your
partner aroused and wanting to share and participate in
the experience with you. So go ahead-have a "touch session" ಋ pretend that you've never made love before and
are first learning about each other's bodies.
An erection may happen as a "side effect" of getting
aroused ಋ but usually not if you're anxious about it.
Loving is a Partnering Activity,
Not a Solo Sport
You need a partner to make love. Yet, as obvious as it
sounds, many men of our generation feel they are driving
the loving session; communication is not what they focus
on. But the bridge for working with, being with, loving
someone is communication. Without it, you might as
well try to make love to yourself.
Communication may be initially difficult because men
who experience erectile dysfunction are often depressed
and generally find it difficult to talk about their inability
to "perform." Men do not generally admit they have
erectile dysfunction. By the time they admit it, they have gone through a lot of emotional upset.
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