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Sample Excerpt:

The Lovin' Ain't Over
Chapter 4 Regaining Intimacy
Page 39

Many men find that after prostate cancer treatment, sensitivity may be heightened in new areas. Your partner will never know unless you tell her. If you don't know, take the time to touch each other and explore. You must begin slowly, perhaps only kissing and touching the first few times. During this time, you should tell each other what you like.

Don't focus on the erection. Instead, focus on loving and deriving pleasure from it. When erections were easy, we tended to focus solely on them. In reality, most of us missed out on other means of deriving pleasure, which could have made loving much more pleasurable even then.

A screenwriter in his mid-50s, quoted in an article in New Choices, expressed it very well: "Passion ಋ sexual passion ಋ is about emotion. Really knowing how to make love to a woman allows you to stop thinking and become more deeply passionate. . . . it's all about feeling and letting yourself go."

At the same time, since loving is a two-person activity, you also have part of the assignment for getting your partner aroused and wanting to share and participate in the experience with you. So go ahead-have a "touch session" ಋ pretend that you've never made love before and are first learning about each other's bodies.

An erection may happen as a "side effect" of getting aroused ಋ but usually not if you're anxious about it.

Loving is a Partnering Activity,
Not a Solo Sport

You need a partner to make love. Yet, as obvious as it sounds, many men of our generation feel they are driving the loving session; communication is not what they focus on. But the bridge for working with, being with, loving someone is communication. Without it, you might as well try to make love to yourself.

Communication may be initially difficult because men who experience erectile dysfunction are often depressed and generally find it difficult to talk about their inability to "perform." Men do not generally admit they have erectile dysfunction. By the time they admit it, they have gone through a lot of emotional upset.


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