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Chapter Eight
Where Do We Go From Rock Bottom
[CONTINUED]
At first, our conversations felt awkward and stiff, and it was
obvious we'd gotten out of the practice of really talking to each
other. But in a few days, the ease returned, and, like good friends
who easily pick up "right where they left off," we were soon able to
share openly again.
During most of our time in those three weeks, we talked
about our losses, telling each other what we felt was missing from
our relationship. We both felt unattractive - me, because my body
no longer seemed to be enticing, and Keith, because of his scars and
what he called his "mutilation."
I told Keith how tired I was of always being the one who
had to initiate sex, and how I missed being wooed. Keith said he felt
pressured when I came on to him so often, and that he needed more
"breathing space."
While we came up with very few answers to our problems,
we did do a lot of talking. At that moment in time, it felt like we
needed to talk. And be listened to. Not once or twice, but over and
over again.
Laptop Notes, January 25, 1996
Finally, Gin's stopped telling me everything's
going to be okay.
Not that I don't want things to be okay,
but the truth is, they're not.
Now I can tel I her how I really feel.
Journal Entry, February 1, 1996
I feel like I've put down a heavy burden, and I'm focusing on where we go from here instead of always looking back.
I don't know if we'll ever get back to a complete marriage again, but at least we seemed to have stopped going
downhill . . . and we're talking.
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