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a selection from:

Man to Man: Surviving Prostate Cancer by Michael Korda
continuing Part II - Surgery

Page 120 - (go to page 119)

You cannot leave this to your doctor, or expect that a busy surgeon is going to have the time to transform himself into a marriage counselor or sex therapist — besides which, the recommendations of a man, in this area, may not make any sense at all to a woman. The mere fact that urologists operate below the belt, in the region of desire, does not necessarily convey any special understanding of sexuality, or sympathy toward women — indeed, some urologists have a tendency to think of the sexual organs in terms of ''plumbing,'' and many of their solutions for sexual difficulties involve more surgery and the implantation of prosthetic devices, ignoring the fact that couples can very often find their own ways of dealing with these problems. In any case, a woman's view of what is desirable in this area may be very different from a man's, let alone a male surgeon's.

The period before surgery will determine more than anything else (except perhaps the surgeon's skill) the speed with which the patient will recover and how he will feel about it. Expect quarrels and disagreements, by the way — volatile issues are at stake. Ignore the Goody Two-Shoes approach that presumes a little good sex and hand-holding are all it takes to prepare for what's to come. What's needed is a strong, united front — and a realistic, clear-eyed approach to the problems that may follow surgery.

Be assured, prostate cancer will try your soul and the soul of the partner who loves you, and subject your marriage to the acid test of facing some of life's more difficult problems. Faced courageously — and people have more courage, generally speaking, than they give themselves credit for — it can strengthen a marriage and, surprisingly, show you that not only is there life after prostate cancer, but that the best may still be to come.

Selections reproduced at with the kind permission of the author. Copyright © 1996, 1997 by Success Research Corporation

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