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Chapter 6
His Prostate and Me
a complex undertaking. He discovered the depth of the
problem on his first outing as a widower.
In the course of conversation with his first dinner
partner, he mentioned prostate cancer. Surprisingly, she
cautioned him saying that she thought it was best that he
avoid this subject with women. He told me later, "I knew then
that finding a woman who was supportive and communicative
about prostate cancer was going to be difficult but essential to
my future well being."
Dick's timing in revealing such personal information was,
perhaps, a bit hasty, but it is interesting to see how single
people deal with cancer when they are revealing the news to
the opposite sex. Some people quickly divulge information
about their cancer to potential partners in order to find out
quickly if that person is going to reject them because of the
cancer or if the person is hesitant to develop a relationship
with someone with cancer.
Others promptly reveal details of their cancer, because
they want to set themselves apart from the "victim" category,
preferring to be perceived as strong, productive people.
Doesn't the Good Book say that the truth will set us free?
Communication is freeing, but it is important to let people
communicate about their illness at their own tempo whether
it means telling the world immediately or refraining from
talking about the diagnosis until the person is ready. Where
sexual matters are concerned, using basic good manners is an
excellent guidelines.
The same responses hold true for married couples,
including the fear of rejection. In her book, Sexuality and
Fertility After Cancer, Dr. Leslie Schover notes that it is more
common for men to reject women after a cancer diagnosis
than the reverse. She further contends that this may be due to
the fact that women are accustomed to the idea of taking care
of their mates, particularly if they marry someone older. As
noted before, most women are experienced at being the
caretakers for their children, family and friends.
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