Screaming for help
HOW THE HELL
DO YOU GUYS DO IT?
[On January 28, 2000, I was trying to read a Web site about treating prostate cancer and I was buried under the technical terms. Completely frustrated, I threw this onto the Prostate-Help Mailing List (PHML), under the subject line, "How the hell do you guys do it?"]
First, I struggled to understand [the language on the page], feeling like I did in
that Chem 101 class I failed. (laugh)
Second, and this
applies to other items [I read], it can get so damned
depressing! There's this side-effect and that, some
that I didn't even know about, so now I have to watch
for them. Meanwhile the sort-of-nice feeling I had is
gone after reading it and my GF [girlfriend] will want to know why
Does everyone go through this? Or is someone just
gonna tell me that this is part of it if you want to
fight it, as in "no pain, no gain."
Normally I'd just close the damned [Web] site and go outside
or play with my dog and forget it but I can't now.
Mark it up to the same attitude I'll take to my
donkeycologist. Or maybe I'm just getting more pissed
at my condition and so I vent. After all I was dx'd
only two months ago.
But dammit, guys, if one does this for a year, yeah,
you can toss around chemical and ocological terms like
a pro and feel comfortable with it but then there are
those of us coming in who can at times be scared
shitless, trying to understand and then getting more
scared at what we read and we don't know who the hell
to ask and so the flake [me] dumps it on a list like this
because he doesn't have anyone else to tell.
If I weren't alcohol intolerant (another damned side
effect of nilutamide) I'd get drunk right now and
break down and cry.
I'm only doing this because I know there are some out
there who know exactly what it felt like.
[For responses and their advice, go to the VETS ADVICE MENU.]
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