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This is one of several essays from my private cancer journal. It is not intended as anything than a record of my states of mind as I struggled with the disease and the effects of the treatment.

End of the honeymoon

1/15/02

I met with my oncologist and my PSA has risen to 3.6.

drawing of broken heart I knew it was a matter of time before it started coming back around. That may help to cushion the news but it still isn't fun to hear. It means that I am probably going refractory again.

Again. How often can one keep going refractory?

At least having climbed to 88 and then bringing it down to that dizzying point-45, it shows that I can bang it around.

So we'll just wait and see what the next one is and take it from there.

I hate this numbers game but it has to be played. That's really all it is now for me, a numbers game.

Somewhere in this is a moral.

RVY

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This information is provided for educational purposes only and does not replace or amend professional medical advice. Unless otherwise stated and credited, the content of Phoenix5 (P5) is by and the opinion of and copyright © 2000 Robert Vaughn Young. All Rights Reserved. P5 is at <http://www.phoenix5.org>. P5's policy regarding privacy and right to reprint are at <www.phoenix5.org/infopolicy>.