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A selection from:
Men,Women, and Prostate Cancer
Page 14
Contrary to popular opinion, if prostate cancer is caught
early and treated effectively, it doesn't have to mean death, impotence, or incontinence. But male denial works against early detection and effective treatment. Forty-three percent of doctors
surveyed by the American Medical Association in 1992 claimed
that men with prostate cancer go untreated merely because they
don't want to talk about it with their doctors. An astounding 85
percent of doctors surveyed said that even men who do talk
about prostate cancer are bit prepared to cope with it well — pragmatically or psychologically.
What happens when a middle-aged man, facing all sorts of
new concerns about his virility, suddenly discovers that he has
prostate cancer? How does he go about confronting a disease that
attacks the source of his manhood and threatens to destroy his
bladder control, his sexual capabilities, his very life? Where does
he turn for help?
In the overwhelming majority of cases, men in this situation
turn to the women in their lives. Indeed, men facing any illness
generally depend upon women research that illness, supervise
day-to-day care, provide emotional relief, and, inevitably, do most
of the talking to family, friends, and health-care professionals.
This is true even when the sickness is relatively minor. A popular
television commercial glorifies ''Dr. Mom,'' whose young children
and adult husband are equally dependent upon her — physically
and emotionally — to deal with their common colds. Another
familiar commercial depicts a rugged-looking fly fisherman stifling his reaction to pain in his hands, while the voice-over tells us
that when he gets arthritis, his wife gives him a pain reliever.
Sadly we understand the twisted logic involved: It wouldn't fit
the fly fisherman's macho image if he were to get the pain reliever
for himself!
In keeping with this reality, this book is primarily addressed
to the women who care for men during this illness. Even though
this book also offers valuable, comprehensive information and
guidance for male readers — caregivers as well as patients — it
makes a special effort to address the unique concerns of the
wives, mothers, daughters, granddaughters, sisters, daughters-in-law, sisters-in-law, nieces, aunts, and/or female life-companions,
lovers, or friends in a stricken man's life who work alone or, more
commonly, in a supportive female network to tend to the man's
physical, practical, and psychological needs. It squarely acknowledges what all the research on the subject confirms: In our society,
it is usually women who wind up managing most healthcare
issues relating to men's illnesses, resulting in a healing partnership that's inextricably involved with gender-related issues as
well.
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