with permission of
Ant Hill Press
A selection from
Making Love Again
by Virginia and Keith Laken
Although this book is written by my wife, Virginia, it has
always been important to Gin and me that this book accurately
reflect the story of how the two of us learned to deal with - and
overcome - impotence.
by Keith Laken
And how could we think otherwise? Impotence, by its very
nature, affects both partners in a relationship, so, logically, any
story about it should give equal time to both the male and female
But writing isn't something I'm very good at.
So when we had to decide who would actually put the story
on paper, we always knew it would be Gin who would do the writing.
This doesn't mean, however, that I sat back while Gin told
my story "as she saw it."
I was an active, involved participant in this book, reading
the text as it evolved daily. I frequently critiqued Gin's interpretation, and added and deleted details freely. I included my opinions
and corrected her perceptions when I needed to.
Gin and I have spent literally hundreds of hours talking
about scenes, dialogue and, most importantly, the journal entries
that offer our most personal reflections.
The time and energy we have invested in Making Love
Again, however, have been worth every second. Not only have we
been able to produce a book of which we are both proud, but we've
also been able to analyze our own story from a more objective, distanced point of view. In the "Looking Back" sections of the book,
you'll find that we've really put that objective point of view to
work - reflecting back with six years of hindsight. In the thick of
things, sometimes we said or did the wrong thing. Other times we
didn't grasp what the other person was feeling. But now that we're
in a place where we can better understand our emotional responses
to impotence, we want to share what we've learned-along with the
greater appreciation for happiness and joy we've found in our sexual relationship.
Our goal was always to write a book that focused not so
much on the cause of impotence but on its effects. I would be
remiss, though, if I did not at this point acknowledge the reality of
my "trigger" for becoming impotent.
Prostate cancer is a deadly disease, and should never be
underestimated in its ability to kill. While I feel I'm cured of my
disease, I never want to come across as minimizing that threat. I
have only the deepest respect and empathy for the thousands of cancer victims who have never had the chance, like I did, to get beyond
fighting the disease. I know I'm one lucky guy - and I often find
myself embarrassed and humbled by the fact that I've survived
while so many others have not.
But I did survive, and the question became: Now what do I
do with my life?
My hope is that, in part, this book gives back to the prostate-cancer community - and to anyone suffering from impotence. I
want others to realize that there is hope after becoming sexually
Life can still be rewarding.
And you can still have great sex!
- Keith Laken